Sunday

It's been a quiet and restful day here today. Danny and I went to church where Brandon goes. He rode with us - tag expired on his truck. The church gathered around Danny, pastor anointed him with oil, and they laid on hands and prayed for him. It was very moving and I cried. Danny did, too.

I had put a roast in the crockpot this morning. However, it still wasn't done when we got home so we got out some leftovers to have for lunch. By suppertime the roast was done and we ate heartily from it, along with the carrots, potatoes, and onions I had cooked with it. There's plenty left for another meal.

Tomorrow (Monday), we'll put the flag out for Labor Day. I'll get ground beef out of the freezer and let it thaw for burgers on the grill. I'll also make potato salad and baked beans in the morning so I don't have to heat up the kitchen with cooking them in the afternoon. Will probably make a peach cobbler while I'm at it.

Nights have been comfortably cool lately. I'm so glad for a reprieve from the heat. We use a window fan at night now. It helps cut down the electric bill while still allowing Danny plenty of cool air so he can breathe well.

Danny is still eating very well. I am praying that he continues to do so. However, his wheezing isn't really improving even with using the inhaler when the wheezing starts. So I'm also praying he isn't getting a collapsed lung and that the tumor isn't getting larger instead of smaller.

You know, I look at him while he's sleeping, or eating, or just watching TV, and I think to myself, "He doesn't look sick. How can this *thing* be so large and inside him? How did it even get there and get to this size without making him sick earlier on?" I find it so very difficult to fully grasp what's going on inside my husband's chest. How can this be real? When do I wake up from this nightmare?

As nightmarish as all this is, it's real. It's a road we've never walked before, and it's rocky and rough. We can't see 'round the bends in the road so we really don't know what lies ahead for us. Everything - every doctor's report, every radiologist report - everything ambushes us.

I walk outside at night, look up at the stars, and cry out to God for healing, for strength, for peace. Like Job, I know my Redeemer lives. I know God is with us. See, if He weren't I'm pretty sure I have a lot of anger and despair in my heart. This man - Danny - is the love of my life and I'm not ready to bid him farewell. I want many years with him in the future. I want him to meet his grandchildren, the children of our two youngest, when they come along. I want them to meet him.

So, I'm leaning on my Jehovah-Rophi...the Lord who heals.