Late Friday night

I never did post when it was really still Friday. I tried to stay busy all day.

The CNA came and bathed Danny, shaved him, changed his bedsheets. He seems to be comfortable. The meds are really working so much better than what he had before.

I have spent part of the day fixing food for our family dinner Saturday...well, that's really today since it's 2 AM now. I made 2 loaves of bread, 2 sweet potato pies, and a batch of cranberry sauce. My older daughter will be bringing other items. A church has donated a fully cooked Christmas dinner to us and Elizabeth will pick that up tomorrow.

Our little house will be full. Older daughter and her family (that's 5), oldest son and his family (another 5), #2 son (he's single), Brandon, and Elizabeth. Elizabeth's boyfriend will also join us for dinner. Then there's me. Of course, Danny is here but he can't share the dinner. He isn't able to eat it and has no interest in food now.

I don't even know if he'll understand it's Christmas Eve or that all the children and grandchildren are here.

The patch for drying up lung secretions was working really well, but tonight he's rattling again. I really don't like the sound of it, so I'll be up for a long time just watching him and listening. I'll be talking to him, too. I'm going to tell him of Saturday's plans. I don't know how much he hears, or how much he comprehends of what he does hear, but I'm going to tell him anyway. Maybe he'll understand some of it.

Tonight the kids and I did some counter clearing so there's room for the food - we'll serve buffet style. Elizabeth made a delicious cheese ball to serve with crackers as an appetizer.

I think I'm just going through the motions of celebrating Christmas this year, and some of the motions I haven't even bothered with. See, we always used to drive around on Christmas Eve and look at lights and decorations. We won't be doing that. We used to go out to eat Chinese food on Christmas Day. I'll send one of the kids to get Chinese take-out, but we won't be sitting around a table in the only restaurant open on Christmas, talking and laughing and eating too much.

I've barely decorated. I put up a tree and set up some Christmas things on top of the organ. Got a tiny wreath on the door. But no outside decorations this year. Danny always helped me string lights outside. No electric candles in the windows. He helped me get those set around, too. Yes, we could have done those things anyway, but I just didn't have the heart for it. Really, neither did the kids.

I am praying for Danny to last past Christmas, but this is God's call and He knows best.

I may not know a lot, but this I do know. The Christmas celebration isn't about the tree. It's not about brightly colored, beribboned gifts. It's not even about the family gathering. It's about Jesus. December 25 may not be the actual date of His birth, but it's a day we can honor that and remember who He is and why He was born of woman. And no matter what else happens, it's still about Jesus. I can take joy in that. My Savior was born as a human. He died as a human. He rose as a human. He's seated at God's right hand as a human.

He knows my pain, and He knows Danny's. He knows my breaking heart. He knows what it is to grieve. He knows what it is to have hope. He knows what it is to look far beyond this temporary earth suit into realms of glory. He knows that life in the flesh is very short, but eternal life never ends. He knows that there, there are no tears and no more goodbyes. He knows because He's passed this way before and He lives today.