Sunday night
It's been quite a few days since I posted anything, hasn't it? Mostly it's because I've just been so tired from working that I just want to rest when I'm home.
I'm no longer working, though. Thursday was my last night. Niece and her mom (my sis) talked it over and wanted to "let me off the hook" since the work has been so very tiring and has taken a definite toll on my back, hips, and legs. I got my Fed. refund the other day, so I have enough to tide me over until I can find a job I can do that doesn't cripple me, or until I can get something else going.
Monday, I'll contact our state vocational rehabilitation and see what they can do for me. Maybe nothing, but then again it's worth trying. Could possibly get a job placement or training doing something that isn't so physically demanding.
Wednesday through Friday, I plan to stay at a local campsite with my sis, brother-in-law, and Mama. We'll go to one of my grandkids' plays at the local university. No, she doesn't attend university there. She's only in 5th grade. But the group uses the auditorium for performances.
Brandon and I did a little shopping today and I got a new phone line for the computer. Big deal? Yes, very. We've had a very hard time staying connected, and sometimes the connection was down to 4.8 kbps, which might as well be disconnected. Brandon installed the new phone line and showed me the old one. It was actually broken in two pieces outside! I'm amazed it connected at all, and how it did it like that I'll never know. Now, there's no noise on the line and the computer is staying connected very nicely. I think this simple repair was long overdue, don't you?
This week at the campsite, we'll also celebrate my Mama's 84th birthday. We are so blessed to have her with us at her age.
As for me personally, some days I've been really low and sad. Every time some little something goes awry here, I want to think, "Danny can probably fix that." Every time I find out some bit of news or see some new construction, I want to talk to him about it. Every time I make a pot of coffee, I recall all the pots of coffee he made for us. All the cups we poured for each other.
Having Brandon here is a blessing, but I also want him to have a life. He's trying really hard to be the man of the house now. He's very helpful. He's very thoughtful and caring. He even came home one night from a friend's house, saying he was going to hang out with them for awhile but thought I might be lonely. He makes me laugh a lot, which is good. But I'm not his responsibility really. He needs his life to be his, and not be controlled by what's going on with me. So that makes me sad, too.
Elizabeth runs errands for me anytime I need her to. She is faithful to call from work or when she's on her way somewhere to let me know what she's doing, when she'll be home, and ask if I need anything while she's out. She's also delightful here at home.
God blessed me with wonderful children through Danny. Just as He blessed me with the older children from my first marriage - the children who have given me grandchildren.
But I can't sort out my feelings and my sadness through talks with my children. They come at this loss from a whole different perspective. They've lost a father - a stepfather. I've lost my life mate - my husband.
I'm tired. I'm lonely even when there are people around me. I have a really hard time trying to envision the future.
I'm no longer working, though. Thursday was my last night. Niece and her mom (my sis) talked it over and wanted to "let me off the hook" since the work has been so very tiring and has taken a definite toll on my back, hips, and legs. I got my Fed. refund the other day, so I have enough to tide me over until I can find a job I can do that doesn't cripple me, or until I can get something else going.
Monday, I'll contact our state vocational rehabilitation and see what they can do for me. Maybe nothing, but then again it's worth trying. Could possibly get a job placement or training doing something that isn't so physically demanding.
Wednesday through Friday, I plan to stay at a local campsite with my sis, brother-in-law, and Mama. We'll go to one of my grandkids' plays at the local university. No, she doesn't attend university there. She's only in 5th grade. But the group uses the auditorium for performances.
Brandon and I did a little shopping today and I got a new phone line for the computer. Big deal? Yes, very. We've had a very hard time staying connected, and sometimes the connection was down to 4.8 kbps, which might as well be disconnected. Brandon installed the new phone line and showed me the old one. It was actually broken in two pieces outside! I'm amazed it connected at all, and how it did it like that I'll never know. Now, there's no noise on the line and the computer is staying connected very nicely. I think this simple repair was long overdue, don't you?
This week at the campsite, we'll also celebrate my Mama's 84th birthday. We are so blessed to have her with us at her age.
As for me personally, some days I've been really low and sad. Every time some little something goes awry here, I want to think, "Danny can probably fix that." Every time I find out some bit of news or see some new construction, I want to talk to him about it. Every time I make a pot of coffee, I recall all the pots of coffee he made for us. All the cups we poured for each other.
Having Brandon here is a blessing, but I also want him to have a life. He's trying really hard to be the man of the house now. He's very helpful. He's very thoughtful and caring. He even came home one night from a friend's house, saying he was going to hang out with them for awhile but thought I might be lonely. He makes me laugh a lot, which is good. But I'm not his responsibility really. He needs his life to be his, and not be controlled by what's going on with me. So that makes me sad, too.
Elizabeth runs errands for me anytime I need her to. She is faithful to call from work or when she's on her way somewhere to let me know what she's doing, when she'll be home, and ask if I need anything while she's out. She's also delightful here at home.
God blessed me with wonderful children through Danny. Just as He blessed me with the older children from my first marriage - the children who have given me grandchildren.
But I can't sort out my feelings and my sadness through talks with my children. They come at this loss from a whole different perspective. They've lost a father - a stepfather. I've lost my life mate - my husband.
I'm tired. I'm lonely even when there are people around me. I have a really hard time trying to envision the future.
posted by Ann crum @ 8:07 PM
1 Comments:
At 2/28/2006 1:29 AM,
Anonymous said…
Ann, You are still in my prayers. I think about you often and I send you a cyber hug. (((((ANN)))) I know times are tough but hang in there. Jesus loves you and He is still with you. Take care and God bless. Love from our family to yours.
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