Sunday night (or is it Monday really?)

I am more tired tonight than usual, even though we didn't do a lot today. I think it's probably emotional weariness. The past few days I feel like I'm dragging around 100 pounds of lead in each leg. Every step I take is an effort. Tears are just below the surface all the time, now. Much of the time I feel overwhelmed with everything that's going on with Danny, with trying to keep our house from being a total wreck, with trying to keep our bills and our appointments straight, and with trying to keep the eBay listings running.

I went to the homeschool store and picked up some books to list. Had a really good visit with my friend there, although we wound up crying about all that's going on. Later, Danny and I wound up going to the bank and eating lunch at McDonald's. While that may not seem like a lot, I was seriously hoping for an entire day of going nowhere, yet there were still errands to run.

We went to church this morning where my friend who owns the homeschool store goes. We're very fond of the pastor there, and his sermon didn't disappoint us at all. He preached about the fact that God's word is truth, whether we choose to believe that or not. And how so many in the church today tend to want to let things "slide" as far as behavior goes, saying that God understands. When the truth is, God has set forth certain principles to be obeyed and, no, He doesn't "understand" why we disobey and sin. And how we WILL reap what we sow, either to good or to evil.

I've opened an eBay store now. I'm still listing some auctions, but I'm also just putting inventory into the store. I'll put a few things into the inventory every day. It costs way less to do this than to list auctions, especially considering how many auctions I try to keep going. A basic store at eBay is only $15.95 a month and listings are around .02 each per month. I've been spending more than that on auctions!

Tomorrow (Monday) Danny is to have outpatient surgery to have a port put in under his collarbone for the chemo. He keeps saying the surgery is Tuesday, but I don't think so. I'll call the hospital first thing in the morning to make sure, though.

Also, after we filled out papers for a PCP (primary care physcian) we found out all three we selected are full right now, and that in fact every physician in the county is full! (It seems, they said, that the evacuees filled up all the local doctors' capacity.) I'll be calling ConnectCare in the morning, too, to secure a PCP for Danny. Without that, none of his medical bills can be paid.

I'll also see about getting his scrips bumped up. He has to take so many different meds, and now the chemo dr. is adding 2 more.

I'm having a harder and harder time finding things Danny can eat that don't a) hurt his esophagus or b) make him nauseas. He ate some very moist, tender chicken at the Chinese restaurant today. Our son Brandon suggested maybe a home made chicken salad with some boiled eggs in it. Danny said he'd try that. Also, I need to find a way to pack our meals when we're going to be in town. We can't afford to eat out every time, and it seems like every day we're in town past lunch and wind up too famished to wait till we get home to eat.

I really need to find some time to go to the library and check out the books for sale there. Also, to go to what few yard sales there are this time of year to check for other interesting things. There's also a flea market run by the Catholic church in town that runs all year. I need to check that out again since it's been a few months since I've been in there. See? No time to truly rest. And so much of what I need to do, Danny is too tired to go with me.

What a turn in life this is. We used to talk about the time to come, when he'd be retired and we could spend more time together, go flea market shopping, camping, whatever. We're spending more time together, but now he's too sick to enjoy those other activities. And I'm too tired.

We need a miracle.