Thursday happenings

It's been a large day, to say the least.

Got up early to get dressed ahead of Danny. Around 7 AM, I got him up. I helped him get cleaned up and dressed. Gave him a little tub of applesauce and a glass of juice, since that's about all he's eating now other than chicken soup. Gave him his meds.

He's barely been eating or drinking lately, and I also noticed he's not taking all his meds when he's supposed to even though he allows he is. So, my sister gave me a pill box for him that has 7 days, 4 med times a day, included. I put all his meds in the proper locations in it, so I knew for sure this morning he took what he was supposed to. I'll have to wake him up around 8 tonight to let him take the nighttime meds.

Brandon helped him get into the car and we left around 7:45. Should have been 7:30, but things were moving slowly this morning. We got to the hospital around 8:15. One of the volunteers helped me get him out of the car and into a wheelchair. He also took him on back to the lab while I parked the car.

They had a hard time finding a vein for drawing blood and had to use a vein in his hand. Even then, it took awhile. It was not running very fast. But it did finally get done.

I wheeled him over to the oncologist's office. The hospital is set up so the building connect via glass walkways, so we were out of the chilly wind going over there. Got him up to the office where they weighed him (now 174 - lost another 15 pounds. That's 52 pounds lost, total so far.) The girl tried to get his blood pressure, but couldn't hear the pulse and noted that on the chart.

We saw the doctor. I told him that Danny barely eats and drinks, is very weak, and is now sometimes disoriented and confused. The doctor had a very serious talk with us about whether Danny wanted to continue chemo or stop, knowing that stopping means moving in to the last phase of his life.

Danny asked me what should he do?

At that point, I lost it. I cried like a baby.

How do I tell someone what they should do in a situation like this? I want him to live for many years, but he has to decide if he really is living - or is he just existing? How much is too much? Medicine can only do so much in these situations. If he stops chemo, is it possible we will have more of the real Danny for awhile, and not this medicated, confused one? This is so very hard.

The doctor said we could wait till next week's appointment and see how Danny does this week. But that if he continues on this decline, there really isn't much more he can do for Danny.

We took him to the chemo room. The doctor had ordered saline to rehydrate him. (That's why they couldn't get a pulse when they took his blood pressure.) He wound up needing two liters. One had something in it to help boost his appetite. Then they gave him chemo. He did drink a 20 ounce bottle of water while sitting there. See, I got it from the machine downstairs for him because he wanted some cold water. When I gave it to him, he somehow thought the nurse had told him he had to drink it all in 20 minutes. No, she never said that. But he did drink it.

She gave him some peanut butter crackers. He ate 3 of those.

We were there until after 3 PM. I ran a short errand to pay a bill. By the time I got back, he had tried to pull the IV out, so the nurse said to be sure and keep a good eye on him if she wasn't in there. I did and he didn't try it again. Then I went to pick up our daughter from work. He was finished by the time we got back.

The doctor took me aside and told me to start giving him the steroids every day again - one in the morning and one at night - to see if that would also help his appetite. He also told me if by next week he's even worse, that it's probably time to contact another doctor who can arrange Hospice for him, here at our home. They can give him pallative care and see to his needs that I can't take care of myself.

I will spend the next few days trying to rearrange things here to make it easier for the Hospice people to do the things they need to do.

When we finally did get home, Danny wanted Ramen noodles. I fixed those and he ate maybe 1/2 to 3/4 cup of them plus some of the broth. I helped him get back to the bedroom and he's resting now, but I'll need to wake him up a little later to make sure he gets his night meds.

This day has been exhausting for the both of us. He's really tired because of having to be at the doctor so long. I'm really tired from that and from the emotional side of all this.

I covet continued prayers on our behalf.